I’ll always treasure every kiss. And every day, I love you, girl, in every way. And I always will ‘cause in my eyes, no one else comes close to you. No one makes me feel the way you do. You’re so special, girl, to me. And you’ll always be eternally. Every time I hold you near, you always say the words I love to hear. Girl, with just a touch, you can do so much. No One Else Comes Close : Joe

If there is a reason for me to smile every day, it will be because of you. Like what I would always say, you never fail in making me smile or even brightening up my day with just one simple text message or a dinner with you at Dapitan, or even a one bottle inuman at certain places. There’s this charm that you hold (and we know this very well) and it gets into me all the time. There are just so many things to say about you that I love.

On the day of my birthday, things got out of hand. Things back at the house got very problematic. The people whom I thought of spending with that day were not able to come and see me. The things that I thought of feeling that day did not really come. And things between us did not really go very well also.

The time I remained quiet while I was with you and that moment that I was crying silently just to not let you know was when I was losing hope already. I was losing hope that that day would not get any better, that I just wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep. It was like I would just want to think that it wasn’t really my birthday at all.

But still, you remained sitting there beside me and held my hand. Even I was feeling so down, you still held my hand and you were like telling me that the day was not yet over and that I needed not to lose hope. You held my hand and made me feel that despite of the things that happened to me during the day, you were still there for me and that there were still things to come for me because of what you had for me. And once again, you did not fail me.

As I came home later that night, I felt that whenever I was with you, it felt like we were in a different world. This world was very far away from reality. There were no school, no review, no home to go after… nothing. It would just always be the two of us, confined in our own world. We would laugh, tell stories to each other, have fun, make out, cuddle, and just hold each other.

And also, I realized that every time that the night would end, that you would wait for me until I find a ride so that I could go home, our own world would just pop like a bubble. It would just suddenly disappear right in front of my eyes. And at that moment, I was back to reality, the harsh reality of the real world. School, home, problems, everything was right in front of me again.

But, as I come to think of it, I need not to be scared of whatever there is in front of me. I don’t need to be afraid because I can face them and I will. And whatever will come, if ever the time comes that I’m losing hope once again, you will be holding my hand and be right beside me, ready to bring me back to our own world.

If there is anything else, it’s that I’m very grateful to have you. And I want to thank you for everything. I love you.

5:57 pm  •  12 July 2012

And you come to me on a summer breeze. Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave. And it’s me you need to show. How deep is your love? I really mean to learn. ‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools breaking us down when they all should let us be. We belong to you and me. How Deep is Your Love : Bee Gees

So, I guess that this post will be my thanksgiving post or self-realization post. Hehe. So, yeah.

Right now, I can’t exactly pinpoint what I’m feeling. Everything is just overwhelming. Everything is falling into place. And I couldn’t be any happier. I’m so overwhelmed with all the things that I’m receiving, all the blessings coming from the Lord. I want to dance in joy, sing songs of praises, and just smile all day long.

There were so many struggles that I’ve gone through, faced so many problems, shed gallons of tears (not exaggerating), felt so disappointed to myself, had so many problems these past year, the past months, and most especially, the past weeks. My faith was tested. My strength drained. My motivation gradually went away. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I have come to that point when I almost reached my breaking point. 

BUT! I managed to go through all that. I was able to fight my way back to where I should really be. I succeeded in facing all the tests, the challenges, the problems, and the struggles that life gave me.

It wasn’t easy, yes. But, it was lot of fun. And I couldn’t have done all these without the people who I love so much and love me as well, and most of all, without the Lord.

God is so good. Hands down ako sa Kanya. Walang katulad. Sobrang hindi ako pinabayaan. I don’t know how He did it, but He did. Sobrang hindi ko akalain na lahat ng ito ay mangyayari. Hindi ko maisip kung paano Niya ako pinapabilib araw-araw. Lord, I still don’t know how to thank You for everything. But, I know that You already know how grateful I am for all the blessings You have given me. I didn’t deserve most of them but still You gave it to me. And, I can’t still manage to think on how to thank You for everything. Basta, alam Mo na ‘yon! :)

Next, I want to go talking about my friends. This is for the reason that they are really the one who didn’t leave me (aside from my family, of course) despite all the shit. Basta, hindi nila ako iniwan. Hindi nila ako pinabayaan. They kept me sane all the time. They were just there for me. Kahit ano pang kalokohan ko. Kahit anong tigas pa ng ulo ko, andun sila para sa akin. I don’t know why they do it, too, but they do. I’m so lucky to have friends like them. I’m just so blessed that the Lord gave them to me. I love them with all my heart. I swear. So, thank you.

Al and Karl are not there. But, they do know that I love them very much as well. :D

Marami pa sila. Pero, basta. Wala akong mga litrato nila. Hahahaha!

Now, I would be talking about the ME and FOC family. I don’t know but these guys are just really awesome. With the ME family, I wouldn’t want to go talking about what they’ve done to me again here. Just read it in my recent post. And with the FOC family. I’m just really grateful for them. I wouldn’t have thought of the things they’ve done for me. Hindi ko lang sa Mediartrix naramdaman ang pamilya ko sa UST, pati sa eng’g. At sobrang sarap nilang magmahal at magalaga. Sobrang nakakataba ng puso.

MAGULO PERO MASAYA.

And lastly, I just want to acknowledge that one person who supported me, motivated me, went through heaven and hell with me, and loved me. I want to thank him, say sorry, and just simply say how much I love him.

Of course, I want to thank the Lord for giving the both of us another chance to actually work things out between us. At first, it didn’t really get easy for us. But, we managed to get through. And now, I just can’t describe how happy I am with you. 

There may still be people who haven’t believed in us. But there are also many people who have seen us fight our way to become what we are now. 

You are the craziest, funniest, corniest, and sweetest person I know. And you deserve all the good things that are happening to your life right now. I don’t know what to say anymore. But, yes, I just do love you so much. I’m so happy for you. I’m so proud of you, baby.

The toga looks good on you. Haha! So sad, I wasn’t able to get an outfit of the day picture of you wearing that. Haha! :P

So, for all that, for all these people, I’ve made it. I’ve made to come this far. I was able to finish my junior year as a CA student in UST. I’ve come to finally see myself, where I am, and where I shall be going. I’ve realized that I have so much to thank for. I have so much people who love me and I love them as well so much.

Right now, I feel like I’m so blessed. And I know I am because the Lord loves me, and I know that He wants the best for me. So, there. Yeah. Now, the latest blessing that the Lord gave me…

HIHI! HELLO, GRADES! ;)

HELLO, SENIOR YEAR IN UST AND IN COLLEGE! HELLO FOR THE LAST TWO SEMESTERS IN SCHOOL! HELLO, BACC MASS AND GRADUATION! I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT THERE! :D

TIWALA. PUSO. DASAL. :)

2:59 am  •  1 April 2012  •  2 notes

If you’re broken, I will mend ya. And I will keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on now. I’m out of touch. I’m out of love. I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down. And out of all these things I’ve done, I think I love you better now. I’m out of sight. I’m out of mind. I’ll do it all for you anytime. And out of all these things I’ve done, I will love you better now. Lego House : Ed Sheeran

I have been really, really addicted to this song today. And the moment I heard this song from the radio, I know that this song will just be dedicated to one person who has my heart. And he’s my baby. :)

In five days, it will be the Solemn Investiture of the Faculty of Engineering. In short, on Saturday, it’s their graduation already. Yes, it’s still not yet final if he’s going to be a part of that event. But, as I come to think of it, he’s not the only one who I think of when it comes to their graduation. It’s also his friends, my friends, his section (5B), all the graduating ME students, and his brothers.

I’m so proud of them. Just the looks on their faces when I saw them run out of the Arch of the Centuries, they were all priceless. I’m just so happy for them. It looked like everything just paid off for them.

That genuine happiness in their faces was once in a lifetime. It was not all the time that I saw them smile like that or be that happy. Usually, I would see them with very problematic faces. I would always see them worrying about their grades and subjects. I would always feel the tension they have from the emotions that they would show me. 

But despite all those problems, I saw them so happy. They were all laughing, smiling, congratulating one another. I saw them forget all their problems for a while during the Bacc Mass and their exit in the Arch. And I believe that all these were possible because of what they believed in: Tiwala. Puso. Dasal.

This mantra or three nouns, or whatever you want to call it, it’s what got them through. With that, it helped them to keep their hopes up and just believe in themselves. Tiwala. Puso. Dasal. Those three are very effective. 

And this mantra, it’s the best thing that I learned from the ME family. It’s what kept me believe in them. It’s just very effective for everything, not only for the academic life but just for everything that we all do in our lives. This mantra will get you anywhere you want to be.

I will keep holding on to this mantra even when my ME family already graduated. I will keep on believing to this mantra because I know what it did to my ME family, and I know that it can do the same for me.

Next year, I will start living my college life with them as graduate students already. Yes, they will still be around since they have their review for their Board Exam but it won’t be the same anymore like what it was when they were still students. It will be really hard. It’s my last year of college. And I’ll be dealing it with I don’t know anymore. But I know that when all else fail, I will just go back to the ME mantra. Tiwala. Puso. Dasal. 

I will never forget my ME family. I will never forget 5B. I will still see them around next academic school year. And I know that by the end of the first semester, I will be screaming my lungs of in joy and I will be so proud of them and finally call them official Mechanical Engineers. 

Tiwala. Puso. Dasal.

3:36 pm  •  26 March 2012

But if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me ‘cause I’d already know. More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real. More than Words : Extreme

From my last post, as you all know, I’m very stressed out. Life has been very busy and I just don’t like where it’s going. It sucks ‘cause not only myself is the one affected but also people in my life. I don’t have any time to visit my parents in the province. There’s no time for me to visit my org. And, I just couldn’t figure out how to work my sched with my boyfriend’s sched.

It’s saddening because I felt like I am not giving too much time for my relationship with Carlo now. He’s just so busy with his acad life since he’s already a graduating student. And his sched just doesn’t match with mine. Usually, the only day that we’re oth free is Thursday. But, since I have so many things to do, we still don’t get to see each other during that day.

To be honest, I feel like I have more time for myself and for my block mates and my friends rather than for him. I barely see him. I talk to him for a short times only, usually during the night. And I swear to God, I miss him so much.

So, because of that, we told ourselves to finally make time for each other. Today, we had a date! Yes! Hihi. Yes, I am happy. Because finally, we were able to find time and just spend the day together. I love the fact that he didn’t even forget about today. And I’m just so glad that we didn’t have any excuses to not pursue what happened today. :)

Nothing fancy about our date. Spent some time at Antonio and burned our lungs off. Haha. Then, went to Trinoma. We wanted to watch Sherlock Holmes but we were late for the showing that we were supposed to watch. We didn’t want to take the next showing because we wanted to go home early. So, we went to some place to just bond and be together. After, we ate dinner. And finally, we went home.

You see, it’s just a simple date but it made me realize how I missed spending time with him, and just be with him. I missed the time that we would just smoke together at Antonio and spent hours just by exchanging stories to one another. I missed the time that we would just stroll around the time while holding each others’ hands. I missed him. I missed him so much.

This one simple date also made me feel that not seeing each other everyday or even too much is okay. Time off and space are good. It taught me to trust him more, understand him more, and just love him more.

Haaaaay. Oh well. I think this would be enough for tonight. I still need to do a paper. So, laterrrrr!

2:16 am  •  20 January 2012

I’m taking this time to post something. I just need a a little breather.

These past few days, life had been very busy. It became fast paced and it seems like I don’t know where I am anymore. I admit that I’m not really into this kind of hectic life even though there had been times that I was that busy and seemed like I have no time for anything anymore.

But those times, I believe that they are very different from what is happening right now. Because even if I was that busy like I was in the past, I tell you, I was happy. I was having fun while I was busy doing stuff that I was doing. I was with people who I love and love me in return. I was with people who know me and accept me for who I am and what I do.

Right now, I think I’m lost. I think I don’t know where I stand anymore. I do all these things just because I’m required to but not because it’s what makes me happy. I do things with no fun. And I feel so alone. I feel like there’s no one else around me. I feel like I’ve lost all the people I love, especially that one person who’s supposed to be my inspiration, my source of strength.

I’m not happy anymore.

I feel dead.

I hate this. I hate being like this. I hate feeling like this. I don’t like pushing and forcing myself into things.

What is happening to me? Seriously, I don’t even know.

But I need a breather, soon.

——

This is what thesis and Political Dynamics do to me. Thank you.

11:45 am  •  11 January 2012

As I close my eyes and sit, I’m being driven over. Tik, tik, tok. Time will never stop for us. Don’t stop. Don’t be afraid, open your heart. Make it bounce. - Somebody to Love : Big Bang.

Itong post na ‘to, dapat matagal nang nagawa. Kaso, tinamad ako. Hahahahaha! Anyway, it’s just something about this one very special person who celebrated his birthday last October 15. Hehe. 

Say hello to the very awesome face. :)) :*

Hihi. I’ve been really busy these past months learning how to cook. And, I was actually able to prove that all the hard work paid off. Bwahahaha! :> I was able to make something that not only my family but also my friends were able to appreciate. And it was very heart-warming. I love this hobby and might get serious with it when I get a chance to.

Anyway! Made Carbonara and Mango Ref Cake for the birthday boy. And my heart just really melted when I saw him loving it. Hihi. :P

Yes, lotsa mangoes. It’s how they like it. ;)

I know, I’m very messy in preparing. HAHAHAHAHA. :P

Hello, Carbonara. :)

Hello, Mango Ref Cake! :))

I wasn’t able to take a picture of the ingredients I used for the Carbonara because I was in a hurry that time. Hihihi. I was late, actually. Kept them waiting for an hour. Haha! Did so many errands and had so many struggles in making all these. HAHAHAHA. But, everything was worth it. Let me prove it! :>

So, where’s the Carbonara, yo? :))

The Ref Cake was murdered. They weren’t able to eat everything because it had already melted. It wasn’t fun eating it like that. HAHAHAHA!

I was so happy that the birthday boy got full with what I made. It was just a small celebration But, everyone was happy. Hehe.

And now, it’s a week before the sem break ends. And he’s still in the province. Haaaaaaay. I really miss him. I miss him soooooooooooooooo much. :/

I MISS YOUR CRAZY FACE! DAMMIT!!!!! I’LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK, BABY! :*

11:31 am  •  1 November 2011

“HINDI NA AKO MAGPAPAKATANGA ULIT.”

— Hindi na ulit. Hindi na talaga.

10:32 pm  •  18 October 2011

“I love the way you lie.”

—

“But when it’s bad, it’s awful. I feel so ashamed. I snap, “Who’s that dude?” I don’t even know his name. I laid hands on her. I’ll never stoop so low again. I guess I don’t know my own strength.”

“It’s the rage that took over; it controls you both. So they say it’s the best that you’d go your separate ways. But you lied again. Now you’d get to watch her leave out the window.”

“Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems. Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. All I know is I love you too much, to walk away though. Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk. Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? If she ever tries to fucking leave again I’mma tie her to bed and set this house on fire.”

Love the Way You Lie : Eminem, Rihanna.

3:51 am  •  17 October 2011

I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Famous Last Words : My Chemical Romance

I’m not the same anymore. I’m a better person. I know that for a fact. Maybe, sometimes, I still can be stupid, but hey, I didn’t say that I’m perfect. I just said that I’m a better person now.

These past few months, I got bitten hard on the ass. I had a reality check of things. Shits just kept on coming. Had loads of problems about school, org, family, friends… everything. It came to the point when I actually felt that I was already having a breakdown. I was almost giving up with life. 

But God loves me so much. My friends love me to death. They didn’t leave me alone. They supported me. They were there for me. They held me and helped me to stand up again. And they had been the sources of my strength, my inspiration to be stronger, and to be better.

I still can be stupid. I still make the wrong decisions. I’m still an asshole sometimes. I’m still the hyperactive, fun-loving, spontaneous person whom everybody knows and loves. Hindi ko naman binago ‘yung aspeto kong mahal ng lahat ng tao. I just changed what I needed to change. The side of me when it comes to relationships, my decision-making side, and what I knew I had a problem with.

And I’m happy with the result of what happened. I’m happier. I’m better. I’m stronger.

And this time, I’m a fighter already. Fuck up with me, I’ll fuck right back at you. ;)

1:28 am  •  15 October 2011

And the tears come streaming down your face. When you leave something you can’t replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? - Fix You : Coldplay

At the start of this semester, I was so scared of what was to happen to me in my organization. Most of the people whom I love the most already graduated. One is in med school, one is at USA, and the other one sadly lost all my trust for her. I seriously didn’t know what to do. I felt like I had nobody else to lean on to. I felt so alone. And yes, everyone could say that that was also one reason why I became inactive for a some time. I felt like I only had two, five persons whom I could trust in the org. Since there are so many new members and I didn’t (and still don’t) know most of them, I really didn’t know what to do.

But then, I was proven wrong. Not only that there still were so many people who loved me so much in the org, but there were also new people who easily accepted me for who I am. They were willing to listen and be there for me when I needed them. They were the ones who pulled me back in the org, and the one who brought back the drive I lost for the org. 

At first, I thought that they were people who I couldn’t be close with, hell, even talk to. I thought they were just my orgmates. But I never thought that they would be this close to me. I’d never thought they’d listen. I didn’t think that they’d love me, too. 

They helped me survive this first sem. They helped me go through all my uneasiness for the prod. They helped me settle my mind in times that I would be too confused. And they made me happy whenever I couldn’t handle things anymore. They’d been my crying shoulders, my laughing buddies, and yes, yosi buddies, too.

And I could never show how thankful I am for them. But yes, I want the world to know how thankful I am for having them by my side, for being there when the time came that I really needed people to lean on to. I couldn’t be this strong right now without these people. And I love them so much.

Tears stream down your face and I will try to fix you. :)

2:37 am  •  11 October 2011  •  1 note